Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I am naked and annoyed.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
