The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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