I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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