you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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