my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
