He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
