Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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