Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it's like iHOP with fire
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
