don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We had to coat check the pizza.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
