She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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