so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
