I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
