I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize