Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
