I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
