he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
