You're my little dorito
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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