How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
