I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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