we have pet lesbian snakes
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
