There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
