I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
