She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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