I seem to have left my pride at pride
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
