Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
