If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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