You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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