I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
