i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
