what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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