I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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