i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
