sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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