Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
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