We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
