My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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