we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
