i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i think i just lost a toe
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
