Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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