we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
