Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
