It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
