I wanna bring you to show and tell
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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