Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
