Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
