3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
