In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
