That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
third nipple confirmed
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
