I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
