I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We're too hungover to prance.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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