He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
