i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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