I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
